AAA Club of Marriage
"And let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband-that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly" (Ephesians 5:33 Amplified).
Friend To Friend
Are you a member of the Triple A Club of Marriage? You didn't know there was such a thing? Well, there's not an official one that you can call if your marriage breaks down, but I have one that I keep in the back of my mind. It stands for adoration, admiration, and appreciation. Did you know that big tough man of yours longs to be admired? He desires for someone to think he's brave and brilliant, loving and logical, tough and tender, handsome and humorous, masculine and magical. That's the stuff of your man's dreams.
What does it mean to adore your husband? Basically, it means to love him with all your heart...and let him know about it. Someone once said, "I like not only to be loved, but to be told I am loved." Do you want to see your husband's face light up like a full moon? Tell him you are amazed that he knows how to ________ or that you are impressed by his _______, then sit back and watch him glow.
When the TV cameras pan the sidelines of a college football game, my heart always melts in a pool of butter when a young man waves his hand and says those precious two words: "Hi Mom." It's almost like he's saying, "Look at me! Look at me!" The truth is men want to be admired by the woman of their dreams. It starts with mom, and then continues with the Misses.
Where does your husband go for adoration, admiration and appreciation? He goes somewhere. All men do. Does he go to work in hopes of hearing "job well done"? Does he go to the ball field in hopes of hearing "way to go man"? Does he go back home to mother to hear "I'm so proud of you son"? Does he work late in hopes of a few compliments from the gals in the office? Does he feast on compliments from patients or clients? Does he hang out at the gym flexing and building his biceps? Tell me, where does your man go to be admired?
Dr. Willard Harley says, "When a woman tells a man she thinks he's wonderful, that inspires him to achieve more. He sees himself as capable of handling new responsibilities and perfecting skills far above those of his present level. That inspiration helps him prepare for the responsibilities of life. Admiration not only motivates, it also rewards the husband's existing achievements. When she tells him that she appreciates him for what he has done, it gives him more satisfaction than he receives from his paycheck. A woman needs to appreciate her husband for what he already is, not for what he could become, if he lived up to her standards. For some men - those with fragile self-images - admiration also helps them believe in themselves. Without it these men seem inherently more defensive about their shortcomings....While criticism causes men to become defensive, admiration energizes and motivates them. A man expects - and needs - his wife to be his most enthusiastic fan. He draws confidence from her support and can usually achieve far more with her." (Dr. Willard Harley, His Needs Her Needs (Grand Rapids, Michigan: Fleming H. Revell, 1986) p151.)
You become the mirror in which your husband sees himself. So if he's looking sort of glum lately, maybe you need to renew your membership into the AAA Club of marriage and try a little adoration, admiration and appreciation around your home.
Dear Lord, I pray that I will be my husband's biggest fan. Please help me restrain my critical tongue. Help me to see him as You see Him...a child of the King. I do so love my husband; help me to make sure that he knows just how much.
In Jesus' name,
Now It's Your Turn
If you have been withholding admiring words from your husband, it may feel strange to begin giving them. First and foremost, be authentic - be real. If you contrive admiring words, he will be able to tell. Start with one compliment or word of appreciation. It may be as simple as "thank you." Soon the admiration will begin to flow...hopefully both ways. Here are some ideas to get you started:
Place an "I love you sign in a public place." (I put a sign outside of my husband's office window to surprise him on Valentine's Day. The fact that all his patients saw it was an extra boost!)
Write an acrostic from A-Z of reasons you adore, admire, and appreciate him.
Write him a thank you note for something specific he did for you.
More From The Girlfriends
Do you want to become the woman of your husband's dreams? The woman who makes him sorry to leave in the morning and eager to come home at night? Then you'll want to read Sharon's book, Becoming the Woman of His Dreams...Seven Qualities Every Man Longs For. To read an excerpt or watch an interview on the book, visit http://www.sharonjaynes.com/.
Click here to find out more about how to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
Girlfriends in God
P.O. Box 725
Matthews, NC 28106
OBSERVATION "Please listen to me!" God pleaded with Israel to listen, but Israel ignored him.
INSPIRATION You and I live in a loud world. To get some one's attention is no easy task. He must be willing to set everything aside to listen; turn down the radio, turn away from the monitor, turn the corner of the page and set down the book. When someone is willing to silence everything else so he can hear us clearly, it is a privilege, indeed.
So John's message is critical. You can talk to God because God listens. Your voice matters in heaven. He takes you very seriously. When you enter his presence, the attention turn to you to hear your voice. No need to fear that you will be ignored. Even if you stammer or stumble, even if what you have to say impresses no one, it impresses God--and he listens. He listens to the painful plea of the elderly in the rest home. He listens to the gruff confession of the death-row inmate. When the alcoholic begs for mercy, when the spouse seeks guidance, when the businessman steps off the street into the chapel, God listens.
Intently. Carefully. The prayers are honored as precious jewels. Purified and empowered, the words rise in a delightful fragrance to our Lord. "The smoke from the incense went up from the angel's hand to God" (Revelation 8:4). Incredible. Your words do not stop until they reach they very throne of God.
Then, the angel "Filled the incense pan with fire from the altar and threw it on the earth" (Revelation 8:5). One call and Heaven's fleet appears. Your prayers on earth activates God's power in heaven, and "God's will is done on earth as it is in heaven."
You are someone of God's kingdom. You have access to God's furnace. Your prayers move God to change the world. You may not understand the mystery of prayer. You don't need to. But this much is clear: Actions in heaven begin when someone prays on earth. What an amazing thought! (From The Great House of God by Max Lucado)
APPLICATION Do you take time to listen to God? What is God telling you to do? What is God asking you to change? The Israelites missed God's best for them when they failed to listen. Take time out of each day to study God's word and listen to his direction.
EXPLORATION Listen and Obey -- Exodus 15:26; Isaiah 65:12; Hosea 9:17;
SCRIPTURE READING: "If you love me, you will obey my commands. I will ask the Father and he will you give you another Helper to be with you forever---the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it does not see him or know him. But you know him, because he lives with you and he will be in you."
"I will not leave you alone like orphans; I will come back to you. In a little while the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you will live too. On that day you will know that I am in the my Father, and that you are in me and I am in you. Those who know my commands and obey them are the ones who love me, and my Father will love those who love me. I will love them and will show myself to them." John 14:15-21
The Devotional Bible - Experiencing the Heart of Jesus; Max Lucado General Editor, New Century Version, Thomas Nelson Bibles
THE PARSON'S PRAYER
I do not ask
That crowds may throng the temple,
That standing room be priced:
I ony ask that as I voice the message
They may see Christ!
I do not ask
For churchly pomp or pageant
Or music such as wealth alone can buy;
I only ask that as I voice the message
He may be nigh!
I do not ask
That men may sound my praises;
Or headines spread my name abroad:
I only pray that as I voice the message
Hearts may find God!
I do not ask
For earthly place or laurel,
Or of this world's distinctions any part;
I only ask when I have voiced the message
My Savior's heart!
--Ralph S. Cushman